Yeah, so it's been a pretty good while since I last updated this thing but now I am bored so I figured why not, right? School turned out well. I ended up making the Dean's List with almost straight A's which was pretty cool. That stupid stupid astronomy class. So it goes. Break has been pretty good thus far. One really big change which I'm not going to mention just this second because there are a few people that I don't want the suprise to be spoiled for. I made this new friend though, she's really cool. Her name is Chloe and she may come visit me at State sometime which is exciting. I've basically just been working and Christmas shopping since I've been home. Been pretty busy actually which is kinda nice.

The Sunday evening after I got back my workplace had a Christmas party. It was fun getting to meet some new people, getting to know others better, and running into someone I hadn't seen in awhile. I got to hang out with him quite a bit, he picked on my bowling, I beat him at pool, at the end of the night he walked to me my car and yes he did happen to get those digits. Unfotrunately I'm kind of sad he hasn't called. It's so weird, I really want him to call which is unusual for me. Normally I could care less. It's not like he's the best person in the world either, alot like Evan I would probably say. I just had a really good time with him and would like to repeat that. He said he would call, he asked for the number....he should call right? Hmm

There's this guy at my mom's 2nd job that definitely sent his number home with my mom for me. Haha....thats funny. But see..he gave me his number, I didn't ask for it. There is a difference. Anyways...moving on. I tried to print pictures for my relatives for Christmas, let me tell you...that was a chore! For some reason the negatives kept printing...they look REALLY cool though so I kept one set for myself. Maybe I can use it in my portfolio. Speaking of portfolio...I'm not sure what is going on with design school. Haven't heard anything back yet. Hopefully I'll at least get the chance.

Had to work today, yup on Christmas Eve. I was thinking is was going to be slow so my friends from AZ, my old skating coaches, and my mom came to eat. I was wrong. It was pretty busy. It made me kinda sad because its been so long since I've seen them and I didn't really get to spend any time with them. So it goes. It was still a good time. But yeah, tomorrow is Christmas and I wil be going to Catawba to see the rest of my family. Should be fun...if anything like last year..yikes. Sure hope not. Anyway I think I'm out for now. Holler!

So I can't sleep...seems to be an ongoing routine of mine these past few days. So I have something really intense to say and hopefully it will help.

Sometimes I find it hard to pray to God. Not because I feel unworthy or anything but because God is our Father. He is OUR Father. He is MY Father. It's just sometimes when I pray to God and think of Him as Daddy it reminds me of MY earthly Daddy. It makes me miss him and question why he can't be with me. It's amazing how vividly you remember certain things no matter how long ago they happened. I remember every detail about when I was told my father was not comming back. I rememeber mom and I were staying at a friends house because we no longer had a home. It was November 13th, the day before my birthday and I was sitting down in the dining room in the chair farthest from the living room. My mom came and sat at the head of the table and Suzan directly across from me. My mom finally tells me what is going on, what to expect, things that crossed her mind, things that almost happened but didn't, and mostly that my dad was not comming home and there was the possibility of me NEVER seeing him again. I don't think I have ever cried so hard in my life. For hours I sat in that chair realizing that reality had just hit me and that things were going to be rough, that they were never going to be the same again.

My dad never calls, never writes....he's just about as far away as a dad can get. So that's what has overwhelmed my thoughts, that's why I am crying, and why I can't sleep.

I have to remember that God is MY Father and that I don't need an earthly father. I need only to rely on Him. He will take care of me, there is no doubt. I know this....but it still hurts sometimes....

Trying the sleep thing again......

Currently Playing This Mystery By Nichole Nordeman Why (Awesome song..you should seriously think about listening to it!) see related

I was not aware people really actually read this thing but a good friend of mine made me well aware of it by reading to me....hmmm. Yeah so I was a slacker. Exams were this week and I still have one left on Tuesday, that should be fun! Well hey I get to go home Wednesday and make a few changes and have fun...it will be swell! :o) This week has been pretty relaxing minus the exams. I've done fairly well. Aced my com and math exams....unfortunately I didn't do tooooo hot on Astronomy but I KNEW that class was going to be the death of me! As long I still pull Dean's List it'll be okay. Teachers take SOOO long to post final grades! Grr..Oh well, as Anna says...It's a number, we can't take that with us, I really need to talk myself into that. I mean I know we can't but right NOW it's important to me. Oh and another thing....Everyone else seems to know now even though I was trying to keep it a secret. I'm getting a car over Christmas! Just Kidding! Gotcha! Umm...but really...I actually applied to design school. Industrial Design to be exact. So if you would like to pray for that you can. At first it was like yeah I'm going to do it just to see what happens but now I really want it! And I'm thinking since almost all my GER's are out of the way and I'd have to be in school an extra 2 years anyway...I may be able to double major and keep my major now (Communication Media) and just add Industrial. But I have to make it past the academic review first. Then I guess they will notify me about a portfolio review later if I get passed round one. I'm REALLY nervous! So what has been going on? Life is GREAT...I love my friends and my family. God has been wonderful to me! Relationships I have with people just keep growing and growing and I LOVE it! I think the only thing that could make me any happier right this second would be to have done better on Astro...but so it goes! I think I'm going to go to bed before 4 though which is amazing!

Oh Yeah! Me and Eric Mitchell get to make a Gingerbread House from scratch tomorrow! I am SOOOOO excited! It's going to be a real one too...not grahm crackers...that was fun...but this is soooo cool! Yay!

Anyhow...goodnight!

What a wonderful break! I could have stayed home sooooo much longer! Thanksgiving was GREAT! I got to hang out with my mom and my puppies, eat lots of wonderful food...yeah buddy! I worked quite a bit as well and I was really dreading it but it was suprisingly great and honestly I can't wait to go back to work over Christmas Break! It's amazing how much my personality has changed since the summer. People actually talked to me and my managers and the people in the kitchen asked me what happened b/c I was completely different then I was this summer. I'm not sure how much I have changed but I really like this new me. The me that is not nearly as shy as she used to be. The me that likes to play and have fun and be adventurous occasionally. But yeah so that was my break for the most part. Didn't get to go to go to Grandma's house which was sad but the reasons were very much legite.

Studio is done....no more. Wow! I did definitely apply to design school as well. I'm not telling anyone though. We'll see how that goes. I'm doubting I'll get in but we'll see what God has in store for me. You never know! This is the last week of class before exams then it's Christmas break! I dunno if I'm going to go home in between exams yet though...hmm....a lot of things I'm hoping will change over break. No one knows yet and I'm going to keep it a suprise!

I love Christmas time! Everything about it is great! The cold weather, hot chocolate, blankets, fires, JESUS! It's all wonderful! Our apartment is definitely decked out as well. If you turn all the lights out and just turn on teh Christmas lights it's so romantic in there...it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. I love Christmas and I love me roomies and right now I really love my life!

Have a great day everyone!